Invasion Of The Stupids: Part 1
by Invasion.Of.The.Stupids
Summary: The Tallest assaign a hyper female Irkin to be Zim's new assistant, this get a little crazyer.When she befriends her master's worst ememy, she must choose friendship or duty. Or...both?
1. Chapter 1 Cookies

My disclaimer of sorts: I do not own Invader Zim or any related characters or ideas. I wish I did. Honestly. But I don't. Heh heh…Well, I hope you enjoy it! ((This is my first time doing a Zim fanfic, so be nice… Please?))

Chapter 1: Cookies

"Wh-Where am I?"

Zim opened his eyes slowly. A bright light blinded him, and forced his eyes to close again. He felt really sore… like he'd fallen out of a Voot Cruiser and hit a really pointy rock covered in radioactive spikes.

"Why, you're in the Nurse's Office!" A kind, yet somewhat annoying voice reported. Zim recognized the horrid sound as one of the filthy HU-man nurses who were stationed on the public Skool to heal boo-boos and any other ailments that the stink-pig-students may or may not come down with.

"What?!" Zim shot up. He looked around. He was in the Nurse's Office. He hated the sight of the filthy room. The only thing in there that brightened his outlook was the sight of the Dib-human across from him, unconscious in a bed. "How did I get here?" He asked giving the nurse-woman a curious glare.

She giggled and said, "Oh, you and that kid with the big head over there got into a little spat! But you'll be fine." She added with a smile. "This little girl here," She motioned for a girl that looked about Dib's age to come forward. "Carried you all the way over here! Isn't that sweet?" She smiled, and walked over to check on Dib.

Zim scanned the girl who seemed to be giving him the same treatment. She had dark maroon hair that swept over her purple eyes, she wore a black and purple striped shirt with the words 'Invasion of the Stupids' written on it, a black skirt, purple and white striped knee socks, and black boots. She looked like a regular reject of the skool. Just another nonconformist in Zim's eyes. And probably in everyone else's.

"Who are you?" Zim said at last. He was quite curious to find out who this child was, and why she had bothered to carry the loser of the class over to the 'healing-center' ((If it even deserved that title)). And, well, Zim had never seen her before. Humans weren't known for springing up from the ground to help people.

"I'm Vick." She said calmly. "Nice to finally meet you, Zim." She held out her hand to him, expecting a warmer greeting than the one she was about to receive.

"HOW DO YOU KNOW MY NAME?!?!" Zim shouted, pointing an accusing finger at Vick. Then, in a suddenly calmer tone he asked, "Were you waiting to meet me?"

Vick looked around cautiously. "It's not safe to talk about it here. I will further discuss the situation with you after skool." She shot him a quick smile, and left the nurse's office.

"What?" Zim was utterly confused. He laid back down painfully, and picked at a Band-Aide on his forehead. "Stupid Dib!" He cursed quietly.

_After Skool_

"Zim!"

"Dib!"

"Zim!"

"Dib!"

"Zim!"

"Dib!"

"Zim!"

"Zim!"

"Huh?"

Zim and Din ceased their stupidity to turn and see Vick running up behind them.

"Zim, come on. We've got to go." She grabbed his arm, and began dragging him in the general direction of his Home Base. Through Zim struggled, it was a pitiful attempt.

Upon arriving at Zim's house, Gir pranced out happily in his dog suit eating a taco. "Hi, Master!" He said happily.

"Aww!!" Vick knelt down and gave Gir a big, suffocating hug. "He's so CUTE!!!" She squeaked happily. She held the little robot out in front of her. "Aww!!"

Zim rolled his eyes. "Gir!" He watched as Gir faithfully hopped down in front of him and saluted him. "Gir, go into the living room, and DON'T let ANYONE in! Got it?"

"YES, MY MASTER!!!" Gir dashed into the house.

"He's so cute!" Vick said happily.

"Yes… cute…" Zim began to recall the last time he'd encountered something 'cute'. Pee-Pee, the fur-monster turned out to be more destructive than he was worth. Come to think of it… Gir could be that way too sometimes… "Peh… Cute."

Zim and Vick stood outside for a moment before Vick said, "Zim. Your Tallest have sent me." She gave him a serious look. "They've sent me to help you."

"Help?!" Zim folded his arms in defiance. "Zim needs no help!"

"N-no!" Vick thought fast and said, "L-Like an evil minion, or something! Not, like, be your partner or take over your mission. They just thought that your job would be a bit easier with a little underling." She said, proud at herself for making that up so quickly.

"Hmmm." Zim thought about this for a moment. "Evil minion, eh? You'd be a lot more competent than Gir, I can be sure of that." He shrugged. "Eh. Sure, whatever." He turned to go into his base, when he whirled around. "This is all a LIE!! You're no Irken!!"

Vick sighed, and pressed a button on her belt that I forgot to mention before. The human shell was suddenly sucked away into the belt. She defiantly was Irken. To Zim's relief, she had resemblance to Tak. Her soft purple eyes seemed to stare right through him. She grinned, and pressed the button again so that her fleshy, human, shell covered her once more. "See?"

Zim appeared a little shocked. "Oh… Well… uh… Gir made cookies, if you'd like some…" He headed for the door. "Gir! Go get the cookies!"

"Okie Dokie!!"


	2. Chapter 2 Zimmy!

Chapter 2: Zimmy!!

_In Zim's Base_

Vick was sitting upside down on the couch next to Gir (No smelly human suit on, mind you) watching TV. Zim was down in his lab talking to his Tallest to verify that "Invader" Vick was legitimate.

"Hey!" Vick flipped off the couch. "Gir! I've got someone you might wanna meet!" With a wink, Vick reached into her skool bag, and pulled out a sleeping robot, nearly identical to Gir. "This is Chic!"

Chic was much like Gir, except, she had tiny angel wings and a monkey tail. Her sleeping form was so CUTE!! It was almost sickening. Really… Moving on now.

"Chic! Wake up!" Vick whispered.

The little robot opened her green eyes. "Chic! Reporting for duty!" She said happily. It was obvious that she really liked working for Vick.

Vick nodded and said, "Today's mission is to make friends with Gir!" She chirped happily. She figured that the two would hit it off right away.

The small robots ran about happily, chasing each other, rolling around on the floor, laughing, baking cake, and any other activity that they could think up to do.

Vick smiled and decided to take a peek and see what her 'Master' was up to. She dashed to the trashcan and, as she called it, threw herself out. She fell down into the lab area. "Zimmy's not here…" She rushed over to the elevator and went down one floor. "Zimmy!" She shouted.

"What was that?" Tallest Purple asked quickly. "Did someone just call you 'Zimmy'?"

Vick rushed over to Zim and hugged him. "Zimmy! I found you!" She giggled. She let go, and looked up at the screen. "Hiya, Pur! Hey, Red!"

The Tallest began to laugh heartily. "Zimmy?!" It seemed they would never quit. Until, of course, Zim cut the transmission.

"How could you do that to me!?" He shouted angrily. "Now the Tallest think I'm a joke!!" He folded his arms and glared at Vick.

"I'm … sorry…" She whimpered. She slunk to a corner of the room, and crouched in the dark, as if fearing that Zim might hurt her if he found her.

Zim gave her a curious look. "What are you doing?" He asked calmly. His voice gave no hint toward hostility or anger.

Vick quaked and shook. Memories of harsh superiors filled her mind, and clouded her judgment. She couldn't even hear Zim speaking to her because of her reminiscing her old life.

"Vick?" The sound of Zim's voice snapped Vick back into the real world. He was standing over her with a concerned look on his face ((rare of him)). She looked up at him, blushing.

"I-I'm sorry, sir. I…" She suddenly got up and stood at attention. "I-I mean, Vick, reporting for duty, Master." She tried to play it off as if she HADN'T just hid in a dark corner of the room like a scared puppy, and had totally spaced out while her superior was trying to talk to her.

There was a long pause. Neither of the two Irkins said a word.

"Uh… Are you okay?" Zim said finally.

"Er…" Vick blushed even more. It wasn't like her to be so air headed. It was pretty embarrassing to her. "I'll be fine." She relaxed more. Perhaps it was Zim's kindness.

((Hold on folks, "Zim's kindness". Take a look at that sentence. Go back, and read it again. Again. One more time. Eh, once more for good measure. I am almost POSITIVE that you will NEVER see the words "Zim" and "Kindness" in the same sentence again unless the words " –ignored the fact that the FILTHY hu-man had just shown him-" were between them, and if the words "-and continued to destroy Earth." Came after them.))

Zim gave her one more curious look, and then dismissed the incident. The two jumped into the elevator at the sound of glass shattering shouting, "Gir!!" "Chic!!".


	3. Chapter 3 Genius

Chapter 3: Genius

_Before Skool_

Vick casually walked past the smelly dirt children as they frolicked in their stupidity. She yawned, and sat on a bench. "Zim's gonna be late for class." She muttered to herself.

"Hey…"

Vick looked up. "Dib?" She was curious as to why the boy was talking to her, but she then realized that in her human disguise, she was the regular loser of the skool. Dib hadn't anyone else to communicate with.

"Oh, I never really introduced myself!" She said with a smile. "I'm Vick." She held out her hand hoping that Dib was a little nicer than Zim when it came to introductions.

Dib gratefully shook her hand. "Can I. Uh, sit down?" He asked kindly. When he had Vick approval, he took a seat next to her on the bench. "So, uh… How are you?"

"You don't have many friends. Do you?" Vick asked frankly. "They way you talk is so… alien. Like you don't really know how to make friends with someone."

Dib blushed from embarrassment. "Yeah… I mean, no. I don't really have any friends." He looked down at his feet sadly.

Vick put her arm around Dib's shoulder. "Well, you do know!" She said happily. It was in her nature to be sympathetic with others. In most cases, such as this, she could be empathetic.

((To all who do not realize this, sympathetic and empathetic are NOT the same thing. Sympathetic is like, "Oh! I'm so sorry that happened to you! Let me bake you a cake with lots of icing on it!" Empathetic is like, "Oh! I'm so sorry that happened to you! I know exactly how you feel! Let's go talk about it and make a cake with lots of icing together to drown our sorrows!" See? Difference. Moving on.))

Dib looked up at her and smiled. "Thanks." He seemed pretty content, which made Vick feel good too.

Soon, the two were in deep discussion of interglacial sciences and the existence of extra terrestrial beings outside of their solar system. Dib was cautious not to mention Zim at this point in time. He didn't want her to get mad at him or anything.

The skool bell rang soon enough, and Dib and Vick rushed into the building so that Ms. Bitters didn't eat their skulls or something creepy like that. Ewww… Just imagine that… Yuck!

"Okay, class. Today we will be discussing why none of you will ever make anything out of yourselves." Ms. Bitters began.

"Wait!" Zim ran into the classroom out of breath. "I'm sorry I'm late! My scientific experimentation pod exploded and me and my dog had to clean it up and I do NOT trust Gir to do anything by himself!" Zim explained quickly.

"Sit down." Ms. Bitters ordered. Zim reluctantly obeyed. He looked across the room at Dib, and saw-

"Vick!?" Zim cursed silently under his breath as he watched Dib and Vick happily chatting away like old friends. "What is she doing with the enemy?!" Zim felt a twinge of jealousy that Vick would rather sit next to the Dib-pig than her own Master.

_Across the Room_

"Dib!" Vick handed him a folded piece of paper. "Look at this!" She said proudly, "I drew it myself!"

Dib unfolded it and saw that Vick had drawn a vivid picture of him, a much taller him, in a white lab coat proudly displaying an alien, not an Irken, in a transparent containment unit. It was all anime style. Dib was amazed at the detail on the alien. It was as if she had…

"This is great!" He whispered. He wished he had talent like that, but remembered his amazing scientific genius and dismissed his horrid art abilities.

Vick smiled happily. It was obvious to Dib that she loved to be praised for the things she could do, as most people do. Even he found that his work would be easier to do if at least one person had said, "Good job!" or "Keep it up, it looks great!"

Dib and Vick began to pass a note back and forth discussing the possibility that their teacher was an alien. It seemed likely, you know, the way she just morphed into room and slunk around like a freakin' shadow or whatever. It's just not natural for humans!

The bell rung for lunch to begin.

"Sit with me?" Vick offered to Dib.

Dib nodded.

The two walked out of the classroom together, forgetting that Zim was right there. Vick didn't even realize that he had arrived at skool that day!

_In the Cafeteria_

Dib went into line to get lunch for the two of them , although Vick had told him that she could get it herself. Vick pouted as she watched him and laughed to herself, "I could have gone up there. Honestly!"

"Ehem…"

"Eh?" Vick turned around to see Zim behind her. "Zimmy! You're here!" She squeezed him as if he had been gone for two years.

"Of course I'm here! I showed up late! Didn't you see me?" Zim snapped angrily. His arms were folded across his chest.

"Uh… No, I didn't… Sorry…" Vick said softly. She could feel Zim's anger and it made her feel small inside. She wished she could crawl into a hole and hide. She couldn't handle guilt too well.

Zim seemed to be seething inside. Well, would you care to explain," He began in a fake calm, "why you were fraternizing with the enemy!?" His body twitched as if he could not hold in all the anger he was feeling.

Vick shrank, afraid that Zim would explode. "Well, Dib is kinda nice… And he doesn't really have any friends, so I though I would-"

"You thought, now did you?! Well, I am the one who will be doing the thinking around here from know on!" Zim snapped. He chuckled as Vick's lip quivered. "What? You thought you could just go behind my back and befriend the Dib-pig, my WORST enemy, and that I wouldn't be mad that you were getting close to…" Zim lit up suddenly. "You're a genius!"

Vick relaxed more. "Well, I could have told you that!" She said frankly.

Zim grinned evilly. "You get close with the Dib human and infiltrate his base and totally destroy him from the inside out while he doesn't suspect a thing!!" He did a little dance on the spot. "You're brilliant!"

Vick laughed uneasily. "Uh, yeah… Thanks, Zim…" She looked down at her feet sadly. She really was beginning to form an actual friendship with Dib. She couldn't just betray him like that? Could she? No. No she couldn't. Unless Dib did something to her that really hurt her feeling or being. But, Dib would never do that, right?


	4. Chapter 4 Laugh Inside

Chapter 4:

_After Skool_

"Vick, wait!" Dib shouted, running to catch up with his new friend. "Wait up!" He finally caught up with her, but by that time, he was out of breath.

Vick gave him a curious look. "What's up?" She asked him softly, her chat with Zim still on her burdened mind.

"I wanted to know if you wanted to do home work together… If you're not too busy or whatever…" Dib said shyly.

Vick laughed. "We hardly have any homework though!" She shrugged. "Eh… Sure…" She wondered in her heart whether or not Zim would be upset if she came back without having destroyed Zim. She decided not to tell him about it. "Let's go!" She insisted.

Dib smiled and lead the way to his house. Gaz followed at a distance, determined not to communicate with anyone who could possibly stand to talk to her brother and not start hating him.

When they arrived, they sat on the floor and pulled out their homework. Dib fetched them some Classic Poop and they laughed, drank soda, and finished their homework soon enough.

Eventually, Dib drank too much Poop. He stood up bashfully. "Uh… I uh… Gotta go to…"

Vick nodded. "Go on. I'll wait here…" She said with a smile. She watched as Dib rushed off to other parts of the house. Quietly, she reached into Dib's backpack, and took out the contents.

She sorted through all the papers and things and dedicated a pile for Dib's skool stuff, and another pile for anything and everything that had anything to do with Zim. All evidence, pictures, ect. She Moved the Dib pile back into his bag, and the Zim pile to hers. "You better appreciate this, Zim. I have a bad feeling about this…" She muttered under her breath.

Suddenly, Dib reentered the room. "Much better!" He sighed. He sat down on the floor next to Vick, who was extremely nervous that he would go look for something in his bag. "What should we do?" He asked.

Vick jumped up. "I'd better go now…" She said sadly. "I found Zim's skool book, and I'd better return it to him," She said, secretly proud that she had been able to come up with an alibi that quickly.

"Oh… Well…" Dib stood up. He wanted so bad to tell her that Zim was an alien!! So bad!!! But, he felt it might ruin their friendship. He decided to wait until Zim did something mean to Vick that would make her upset with him. Upset enough to believe Dib when he told her that her friend was not a human, but indeed and alien. Still, he couldn't help but wonder if she too noticed that the whole Zim-having-green-skin-not-being-normal thing. "Bye…"

Vick smiled, and left. She walked about three blocks, and then let out a long sigh. "He… he didn't notice anything." She suddenly felt sick. "But how long will that last…" She wondered.

Soon, she found herself in front of Zim's home base. She dashed inside and slammed the door behind her as if giant, radioactive dogs were chasing her.

"Vick! Where were you!?" Zim shouted, hopping off the couch where Gir and Chic were sitting and watching the Scary Monkey Show.

Vick rushed over and hugged Zim. "I did it! I can't believe I did it! How could I!?!" She sobbed into Zim's shoulder pathetically.

"What is wrong with you!?" Zim cried in a tone that only made his assistant weep even harder. He felt a little sorry for her, even though he didn't know why she was crying. He patted her shoulder. "Calm down and tell me what's wrong." He said in a voice that didn't really match his actions. He kinda sounded a bit angry. It was WEIRD!

Vick walked over to the couch and sat down. As soon as she did so, Chic crawled onto her lap sympathetically. She took a deep breath. "I… was over at Dib's and-"

"You were WHERE!?!" Zim shouted making Vick feel guilty. Clandestinely, Zim hoped that she felt guilty. He never gave her permission to go over to his WORST ENEMY'S HOUSE!!! He was also insanely jealous. Vick would rather hang out with the smelly Dib-pig than the awesomeness that was ZIM! He had ever right to be upset!

Vick looked down at her feet. She pressed the button on her belt, returning her to her Irken self. She sighed and said, "Just listen. I went there because Dib invited me. We did our homework together and talked and stuff. But while he went to the bathroom, I snuck into his backpack and took out everything that had to do with, well, you. All his notes and evidence and pictures and this one video tape, everything!" She spilled her backpack and Zim sifted through all the stolen goods.

"Very well. Thank you Vick. I miss judged your intentions for a second there. Excuse me while I go look at all of these." Zim said professionally. He scooped up all the stuff and started to walk over to the trashcan.

Vick gave him a longing, wide-eyed look, sending Zim the message that she wanted to go with him.

"Oh, okay." He said finally. He almost regretted that when Vick squeaked happily and dashed over to the can and jumped inside. However, he followed her in a dignified way, as if her happy-go-lucky attitude hadn't made him laugh a little inside.


	5. Chapter 5 Silently Fighting

Chapter 5 Silently Fighting

_In Zim's Home Base_

"What's that?"

"What?"

"That. Out there."

"Let me see… Oh! That's snow!"

"Snow?"

"Yeah… It comes around every once in awhile… We can't touch it. It burns us, unlike the stupid humans. They frolic around in that frozen terror like it was a field of smelly EARTH flowers!! It sickens me!!"

"But… Don't we have to go to skool? How do we go outside?"

"Wait here." Zim dashed off to another part of the house leaving Vick staring out the window, wondering how horrible white fluff could really be.

She opened the front door stealthily and touched it. "Ahhhhhh!!!!" She fell backwards into the house and kicked the door shut. "It burns!!!!" She sobbed.

"Did you touch it!?" Shouted the voice of Zim from the kitchen. "I told you it burned! Why would you do that to yourself!?"

"I wanted to see for myself…" She said innocently. The incident reminded her of a common human saying she had heard once in her first month of being on earth. 'Curiosity killed the cat.' Vick didn't know exactly what a cat was, but she hoped that its death wasn't as painful as what she was experiencing.

Zim soon returned dressed ridiculously. His snow garb included multiple layers of coats, gigantic boots, a painful amount of hats, a fabric ski mask, and plenty of mittens. He looked very much like an over stuffed animal. His winter style was so ridiculous that Vick burst out laughing.

"You DARE laugh at ZIIIM!!!" Zim cried melodramatically, pointing an accusing finger at his giggling minion.

Holding her stomach, which was in pain from laughing so much, Vick nodded her head; an action that she knew Zim wouldn't react well towards. She sat on the ground and wiped the tears from her eyes.

Zim gave her a mean look, and she quickly collected herself. "What are YOU going to wear to protect yourself from the snow, hmm?" he said with content. He attempted to fold his arms across his chest and tap his foot, but his horrid amount of layers and giganitcal boots prevented that from being possible.

Vick jumped up, and pressed the button on her belt causing her human disguise to envelope her. She grinned and said, "Watch this." She walked to the door, opened it, and stuck her finger into the snow. "See?" She said contently. "No burning."

"Mommy!!!!" Chic came dashing out from what seemed like nowhere, and slammed into Vick giving her a hug of death. She lost balance and fell face first into the white fluff that was snow.

"Arrhhhh!!!" Vick snapped back and dashed into the house. She didn't stop running until she had crashed into and knocked Zim over. "It's COLD!!!" She cried childishly. She wiped the snow stuffs off her face and hugged her knees to her chest. "No more cold! No more cold!!" She repeated to herself.

Zim threw a coat, a hat, a pair of mittens ad a pair of boots at her. "Stop complaining and get dressed." He said before he exited the house leaving Vick to dress herself in the snow garments that didn't match.

_Before Skool_

Vick rushed onto the Skool grounds, almost being late, only to find that her watch had been messed up and that she was 10 minuets early. She saw many of the earth children playing in the snow. One thing about the skool ground that morning really stuck out, however. It was Zim. Maybe it was his ridiculous get-up. Maybe his general bad reputation for being weird did it. Maybe it was his hatred of the other students. Or a combination of the three. Regardless of what provoked them, the dirt children had tied Zim to the flagpole, and had engaged in a rousing game of tether ball.

"Zim!" Vick rushed over to him, and shooed the other kids away. She wound the rope from the pole and lowered her master to the ground. "Zim! Are you okay?" She asked, sincerely worried that he might have been hurt.

"I'm fine…" Zim said sadly. "But I think I hurt my pride…"

Vick hugged him, although it was difficult to wrap her arms around Zim who was wrapped in all those coats, and smiled. "I'm glad you're not hurt!" She escorted him to the main office of the skool. "Wait here." She said before quickly running off into the Guidance Councilor's room.

"What is she…" Zim sat down, leaving his own question hanging. He began to remove the many coats, hats, and mittens. After successfully taking off two coats, he felt a presence in the room.

"Zim."

"Go away, Dib. I'm not in the mood to kill your mood." Zim said in an annoyed tone. He fidgeted with the zipper on his third and final coat.

Dib sat across from him. "What do you want with Vick?" He asked bluntly, obviously not in the mood to beat around the bush for a half an hour.

"Hmm?" Zim looked up. "What do _I_ want with Vick?" He copied. He laughed evilly. "The REAL question is, what do _YOU_ want with Vick?!"

"She's my friend!" Dib replied quickly. Maybe too quickly for Zim's taste. "And I asked you first!"

Zim finally took off the last coat. "Vick is my …_friend_… as well. She's my little helper, that's all," he said a bit sadistically. Creepy…

Dib caught the hint of insanity and evil, and immediately felt very uncomfortable. "Uh…" He glanced around and was relieved to find that an adequate amount of adults were nearby. "What do you mean?"

Zim smiled evilly and stayed silent, figuring that in doing so, Dib would go mad trying to figure out what he meant, and possibly even doubt Vick's friendship. _Why would I want that? With Vick close to Dib, my mission isn't in as much danger as it used to be… Why do I hate this plan so much!? _Zim silently fought with himself, showing no outward emotion.


End file.
